If conversations with your spouse have fallen flat and you are looking for some out of the box conversation starters, I’ve got you covered! Here are 100 creative questions to ask your spouse that will kick start any date night or at home conversation and have you talking for hours!
Married Life Changes Over Time
Whether you have been married for five years or fifteen, life as a married couple can get busy and change over time. The care free fun and excitement of our newlywed days tend to fade and couples often lose their sense of wonder and curiosity about one another!
When we first met our spouses, conversations were new, interesting and exciting! We wanted to know EVERYTHING we could about them!
No question was off limits!
Our conversations could go on and on for hours, late into the night, and even then, we wished the conversation would never end! (Maybe this just goes for the ladies?!)
But over time, those ‘get to know you’ conversations that were once engaging, novel and gave us that giddy school girl feeling, have slowly been replaced by conversations focused on our careers, kiddos, bills and the mundane, day to day logistics and “adult” responsibilities!
Now, don’t get me wrong, those things are still very important to discuss. But, my fear is that we have become complacent in our efforts to truly connect intimately as a couple and we have forgotten how to have fun with one another!
Why Asking Your Spouse Questions is so Important
My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years and have been together for 17 years. I think I know him pretty well by now. Matter of fact, I would say one of our greatest strengths as a couple is our communication!
I’d probably say we are both hyper-communicators. Having conversation together is our JAM! But, even though I would say we are great communicators, I would be crazy to think that I could possibly know everything there is to know about him, his life, his hopes, dreams and fears!
There is so much lying beneath the surface…just waiting to be revealed! Not to mention, as time goes on, things do change.
Conversation may be our mutual gifting but we still fall prey to the same pitfalls that other married couples face.
We get bogged down and distracted. We find ourselves talking more about our to do lists, adult responsibilities and what kid is giving us gray hair than we are having conversations that truly connect us and grow us as a couple.
We stop learning about one another.
We stop asking questions just because.
Our listening is distracted.
We get bored.
We become distant.
We get stuck in a rut!
Before we know it, building connection feels awkward and burdensome. We don’t even know what to talk about anymore. We begin to feel like strangers sharing the same home.
How Married Couples Can Use These Questions to Improve Their Relationship
As married couples, it is my prayer that we will never lose the desire to grow as individuals or as a couple. To grow together and to build strong connection with one another, we must rediscover our curiosity.
To avoid the relationship blahs and burnout, we must approach our relationships with fresh eyes and ears and a heart full of intentionality to go deeper, beyond the surface.
You don’t have to wait until date night to connect with your spouse on a deeper level. All it takes is some intentional, focused, and uninterrupted time.
Set aside some non negotiable time with your spouse. It can be a few minutes each night before you go to bed or you can plan one night a week to do something special, just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or elaborate, as long as you can be together without distraction.
Finding fun things to do with your spouse doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or require a baby sitter. It might just take a little bit of creativity and time to carve out these sacred moments, but it will be so worth it!
My hope is that you will use these questions to spice up your relationship, to rediscover fun as a couple, to inspire your curiosity about one another and to help you go deeper together. By continuing to learn new things about the person you love, you may even learn something new about yourself in the process!
Guidance For Using These Questions
These questions to ask your spouse are meant to cultivate connection and intimacy, not to make things tense or uncomfortable. There is obviously a time and a place to have more serious level conversations. But, the purpose of these conversation starters, is to help couples rediscover one another in a fun, yet beautiful new way!
In order to get the most out of this experience, here are a few tips to keep in mind:
- Create a safe space for honesty and vulnerability
- Commit to listening to your spouse, not judging their answers
- Have fun and keep things light
- Stay focused and present in the moment
- Keep distractions at bay (especially that cell phone)
- Give good eye contact
- Thank your spouse for sharing so openly
*If you start asking your spouse great questions now, you won’t end up like these guys in the video below! (If you want a few laughs, take a watch!)*
Here are 100 Creative Questions to Ask Your Spouse
- If you could start a collection, and money was not an option, what would you collect?
- What is the accomplishment you are most proud of?
- What is your favorite day of the week and why?
- What was your favorite toy growing up?
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- Who would you like to meet that has passed away?
- What is your greatest fear?
- What was your favorite tradition growing up as a kid?
- If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?
- If you had a million dollars to spend on your family, how would you spend it?
- If you could be on a TV gameshow, what would it be?
- What super power would you choose to have?
- What is your biggest pet peeve?
- What do you hope you will be remembered for after you die?
- Describe your perfect day.
- If money or time wasn’t an issue, what skill would you want to learn?
- When do you feel most alive?
- If you could choose to relive 1 year, which one would it be?
- Do you rely most on your head or heart when you make decisions?
- What has been your biggest disappointment or failure in life?
- What is your biggest regret?
- What is your favorite memory of the two of us?
- What attracted you to me when we first met?
- What is your most embarrassing moment?
- If the house were to catch fire and you could only grab (3) things, what would they be?
- If you had to choose between internet or AC/Heat, which would you choose?
- What is the most daring thing you have ever done?
- What is the biggest risk you have ever taken?
- What is your favorite article of clothing and why?
- Would you rather cook or clean?
- What was your favorite Halloween costume growing up?
- Who is your celebrity crush?
- What was the first concert you ever went to?
- Do you remember the first movie you went to see in the movie theatre?
- What is the strangest food you have ever tried?
- What is your least favorite thing to eat?
- If you could pick one house chore to NEVER have to do again, what would it be?
- What is your favorite place that you have visited?
- If you could eat only 1 thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- If your life were a book, what would be the title?
- If your life were made into a movie, what famous celebrity would you want to play you?
- If you were to write a song about the year 2020, what would be the title?
- What adventure do you dream of going on?
- What do you like best about our relationship?
- If you could relive one day, what would it be?
- If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
- Do you prefer snail mail or email?
- What is the most special gift you have ever received?
- What is the worst gift you have ever been given?
- In what way are you most like your mom?
- In what way are you most like your dad?
- What is your favorite thing that I do for?
- What is one quality that you are grateful you didn’t receive from your parents?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
- If you could work for a charity, which one would you choose and why?
- Have you ever been stuck on an elevator?
- Can you think of a time in your life when you were the most scared?
- If your car had a name, what would it be?
- If you could go back and live in a different time period, what would it be and why?
- Would you rather skydive or bungee jump?
- What is the best date we have ever been on?
- What age would you like to stay forever?
- If you could spend 24 hours alone, what would you do?
- What grosses you out?
- Have you ever gotten into trouble with the cops?
- What is the worst nightmare that you have ever had?
- Who is the worst boss you ever had?
- What was the worst job you ever had?
- What has been your favorite job?
- If money wasn’t an option, what kind of car would you buy?
- If a genie could grant you (3) wishes, what would they be?
- What is your favorite song?
- What is your biggest regret?
- Describe yourself in 5 words.
- Describe me in 5 words.
- If you had to get a tattoo today, what would it be and where?
- What do you think the most important quality is for a friendship?
- What do you think is our best couple quality?
- If you could learn a foreign language, which one would you choose?
- If you could spend the day with a celebrity, who would it be?
- What do you want to see for our family in five years?
- What do you want for our family in 10 years?
- What do you feel is your strongest character trait?
- What is your favorite book that you have read?
- What is your favorite movie?
- If you could learn to play an instrument, what would it be?
- Do you have a funny fart story?
- What is your favorite place/space in our home?
- What quality of yours do you hope our children get?
- What is the hardest lesson you have ever had to learn?
- Where was your first kiss and with who?
- What is your worst habit?
- What are (3) things that bring you joy?
- What do you wish you were better at?
- What is your biggest weakness?
- What is your favorite time of day?
- If you could own any animal as a pet, which one would you choose?
- If you could have dinner with a person in the bible, other than God, who would it be?
- If you could have a second home, what would it be like and where would it be?
- If you had a choice between seeing or hearing, which would you choose and why?
These questions to ask your spouse are only suggestions. I imagine you can come up with hundreds more on your own. That is my goal! Don’t stop with these.
I pray that as you start to use these questions regularly, that you will start approaching conversations with your spouse differently in the future. There are so many fun things for couples to talk about beyond just bills and baseball practice.
Commit to never stop learning about your spouse. Everyday is a new opportunity to learn something new, to connect in a new way and see your spouse in a new and exciting light!