Believing the Lie
When my mom became ill with brain cancer, I felt like brain cancer stole my soul (among other things). I allowed my circumstances to steal my thoughts, rob me of my joy, hijack my emotions and rock my faith in the Lord. I have since learned that was the excuse I made; the lie that I continued to tell myself. I watered the seed that Satan had planted, and it began to take root in my heart and mind. I blamed my circumstances for shattering my mind set. However, after several years and many hours of introspection and reflection, I realize now, that I willfully chose to relinquish control of my mind set. I had a choice. Do I want to surrender to God in the storm or try to weather it alone?
Victor or Victim
As an adolescent and into adulthood, I prided myself on being highly motivated with an insane degree of self- discipline and self- control. However, as my personal circumstances worsened, my mindset continued to spiral downward. I was no longer living victoriously as a Child of God! I was merely surviving. Living overcome by a victim mentality of self-defeat and severe disappointment.
I have experienced relentless overwhelm due to my circumstances and as a result of trying to juggle my roles as a wife, mom and brain cancer caregiver. Even though a significant part of this journey was out of my control, I tried my best to manipulate it and will it to improve. Unfortunately, I was razor focused on things that did not protect my mindset or my delicately fragile spirit. Subconsciously, I was becoming consumed by cancer. The circumstances became an aggressive cancer to my mind, body and spirit.
I found myself living in the detrimental land of “what ifs,” which was both daunting and haunting. The overwhelm had taken over and oozed infectiously into other areas of my life. My physical and mental health were both negatively impacted. My brain hopped on the merry go ‘round of crippling anxiety and negativity. Overwhelm became my ticket to life paralysis. I was STUCK.
My emotions were not serving me well. I was stuck and not getting where I wanted to be in my life or where God needed me to be. God never abandoned me. He waited patiently in the wings for me to release my white knuckled grip of control over my life. I needed to surrender to God and put it all back in His hands, where it belonged all along. I was trying to control circumstances that were never mine to control. Deep down in my spirit, I knew that the Lord was sovereign over my life. Unfortunately, I was not allowing my faith to lead me and penetrate my circumstantial reality.
I was hyper focused on the mess and I lost sight of my Master. Instead of pedaling in tandem with Christ, I was trying to push the pedals in my own strength, in my own direction. I blindly followed my anxiety which took me off course and down the path of unbelief. It left me lost, lonely and stranded. I had exhausted my mind, body and spirit, trying to navigate and pedal in what felt like all consuming quicksand. Each time I attempted to make forward progress, I slid backwards and deeper into defeat, frustration and overwhelm.
How I Learned to Surrender to God
God wanted so much more for me. He had places for me to go, people for me to serve and divine assignments for me to fulfill. However, I could not access any of it on my own. Until I surrendered to God and tethered my soul to Christ, I was missing out on my best life that Christ had waiting for me.
I had a choice all along. I had to choose to surrender to God and hand over self-controlling my circumstances. He had to bring me to the end of myself to help me realize that a life lived in complete dependence on Him would give me access to the deepest desires of my heart. Living a life in tandem with Christ would take me from the valley I was in to the eternal mountaintop that He had prepared in advance for me!
Proverbs 3:5-12 inspired In Tandem Living:
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; don’t sulk under his loving correction. It’s the child he loves that God corrects; a father’s delight is behind all this”
Join me on this journey of In Tandem Living with Christ.
No one has to pedal alone!
We PRAY & PEDAL ON Together