Let me start off by saying that this post has been brutal to write. Not only has it hurt (a lot) to think about it, it has truly sent daggers to my heart to write it. Its kept my mind racing at night and it sneaks up on me when I least expect it! I have been mulling this over for the last several days and it will not leave me alone. I just have to say it… the truth hurts! Hypocrisy stings!
I’ve had a rough week. Physically, I’ve been uncomfortable and mentally, I’ve been an absolute train wreck!
Ask anyone close to me…Actually, I’d prefer you NOT ask them because you might want to de-friend me after you hear the way that I’ve been behaving! Not Pretty!
If I’m honest, I have not been feeling up to par, physically, over the last few months. On one hand, I have been able to release some much needed “comfort” weight that I have been unnecessarily carrying around like baggage for almost four years. Shedding that weight was a HUGE victory for me personally. It’s been an ongoing battle I’ve been fighting (and losing) since my mom was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Brain Cancer over four years ago.
My weight loss journey is far from over but it was so much bigger than dropping some unwanted lbs!
It was proof that…
I absolutely could do HARD things that matter.
I could achieve something that I put my mind to.
It was affirmation that I was worthy of investing in.
It was evidence that the Lord was doing a much bigger work on me internally and the fruit was being realized externally. This was a BIG DEAL!
Losing weight is truly not rocket science. Like most everything in my life, I feel like I overcomplicated it to the point where it became far too overwhelming to tackle. But, when I began making small, sustainable, consistent changes, not only physically, but in my mindset and in my spirit, results began happening!
My Recent Date With Hypocrisy
However, our time together today is not going to focus on weight loss (we will save that for another day because that is a FUN topic that I know will resonate with many!)
Today, I want to talk to you about spiritual warfare. The kind of battle that is harder to see but painfully obvious to experience deep down in the core of your being. It is the kind of conflict that you know exists but many days we try to ignore it like the dirty laundry piled in the corner of the room or we try to stay oblivious to its existence.
But, no matter how hard we try to push it around or cover it up, it always surfaces like a stubborn weed that refuses to die!
This week has been one long opportunity to practice what I preach. It was an amazing chance to show the Lord and myself that I was not just giving His Word lip service…but that these LIFE CHANGING TRUTHS, that I proclaim to be TRUTH, had taken root in my spirit and had been carefully woven into the fabric of my being.
I wanted more than anything to stand unmoved, unshaken.
My heart’s desire was to take captive every thought, word and action to be sure it reflected my unwavering faith and belief in the sovereignty of our heavenly Father and the finishing work of Christ on the cross…even when it was HARD…especially when it was HARD!
Sadly, I failed. Miserably matter of fact!
I pray on some level you can relate to what I’m about to say.
Not only did I suffer miserable self- disappointment but more importantly, I let God down. Not just once either. As the week went on, my humanness was coming out in full force! I was pretty much throwing up UGLY all over everyone and everything I encountered.
I was hurting and scared; desperately grappling for peace and came up empty handed. I was looking for it…but in ALL the wrong places.
As I told you earlier, I had not been feeling “right” for several months. Despite the healthy choices I had been making and the weight that I had lost, my system seemed to be rebelling against me and I could not figure out “why?”
There is that pesky 3 letter word…WHY?
I don’t know about you but that word gets me in trouble sometimes.
Now, hear me, I am in NO WAY saying not to be vigilant and proactive about your health…matter of fact, I’m a HUGE advocate for doing just that!
However, I know myself well…unfortunately, Satan does too!
I have a tendency to become a bit obsessive/compulsive when something small creeps up and feels even slightly out of place. This has been a hang up of mine for a VERY long time.
I’m a bit of a recovering hypochondriac but I would like to think that I’ve been in “rehab” for the last several years. But, just when I think I have conquered my weakness, it hits me smack dab in the face, line drive to the nose at 100 mph!
Unfortunately, the Devil knows my weakness all too well and he dangles that “carrot” at the most inopportune times! He is an opportunist. He is just waiting in the wings for that window to crack, ever so slightly, so he can make his move. I thought I was prepared. Armed with TRUTH. Ready for battle.
I wasn’t ready.
Land of Worst Case Scenarios
I quickly found myself living in the land of “worst case scenarios.” Have you ever visited? I would NOT recommend going.
If you have not been, consider yourself blessed.
It is Satan’s playground.
A hayday for chaos.
Once you get on the merry go ‘round ride from hell, it is hard to exit unscathed. It sucks you in slowly, will excuse your every thought and will affirm your every fear. It will play right into every irrational thought and it will take your imagination to places you wish you never went to.
And how does this happen?
We take our eyes off the Master and we focus on the Mess!
What does focusing on the mess look like:
- We tune in to the world, not the Word: We miss quiet time, fall victim to busyness and allow life to hijack our intimacy with the Lord.
- Our sinful desire for control: Tug of war with God over the steering wheel of our lives. We find ourselves throwing a toddler sized temper tantrum when we don’t get what we want and when things don’t go our way.
- Looked to Dr. Google, not God: Went looking into cyberspace for answers before approaching the throne of the Ultimate Physician.
Spiritual muscle is just like every other muscle in your body. It requires training. Endurance and strength do not just “POOF” happen over night by osmosis. Training takes work. Intention. Discipline. Consistency.
Moving forward focused on the Master:
- Stay in the Word, every day. Don’t allow Satan to gain a foot hold in your life.
- Surround yourself with people who will speak truth into your life. Be held accountable.
- Pray vs Pine over your problems
- Be prepared to take your life draining, detrimental thoughts and replace them with TRUTH. Hide scripture in your heart.
Father God, you never promised us an easy way in this life but you did promise us that you would never leave us or forsake us. I ask you today Lord, on behalf of my friends and myself, help us to keep our eyes on you, our Master, our Messiah…not the mess that lies in front of us. It is my prayer Jesus that you will go before us and prepare the way in advance. We know that nothing is a surprise to you Father. When circumstances challenge our faith and threaten to overwhelm us, help us stay anchored to truth and walk through the trenches in tandem with you.
In your Son Jesus’ name we pray,